Sunday, 30 November 2014

Now What?

Hello Bertie, I'm glad you put your warm sweater on to come out to the barn. What are you up to this time? Oh, and you too, Timmy. What?........... No trousers, boys?

Oh, Mam! Can't you see? I'm doing solidarity with Timmy.

What do you mean by solidarity, Bertie?

Mam, don't you know what doing solidarities means? It means that because Timmy has to do hat and sweater but no trousers, so do I, to keep him company.

That may be so, but WHY doesn't Timmy have his jeans on?

He's got photos to show what happened to his jeans!

Angelina's got them.

No she hasn't, Timmy. She's not even here, she's still on holiday.

Teddy's got them.

Think again, Timmy!

LUCAS did STEAL them, he's a naughty thief boy! 

Timmy! What a horrid thing to say about poor Lucas. He's trying very hard to be a good boy now..... I think. Anyway, these are drawings, not photos, so they are not evidence.

OK, The old ladies and gentlemen stayed up while I went to bed when I was at Royal Legion to help sell poppies and they didn't find my jeans next day, so they are all gone. I had a good time there and didn't want you to know the old gentlemen stealed my pants, incase you don't let me go next time.

I'm sure he just mislaid them. He wouldn't want small boy jeans to wear. We'll ask if they have turned up when we visit next time. Oh, and, Bertie... why the hat?

Well Timmy's got one and I need one to do solidarities. And it is a very special, nice hat. I think Valentine at The Sasha Village would say it is very in vogue, or vague, or something. I LIKE it and it's mine now.

OK. But trousers or jeans must be worn, please. Oh, and I don't mean shorts, Bertie, it is very cold now.

But, if we wear longs, they get crumply round the knees, so we are saving the planet if we don't wear them!


Well, if we just wear undypants, you don't have to wash our jeans and so you don't use lots of electricity or soap powder, then the oozle zone liar doesn't get holes in it. So it saves the planet when we have bare legs. So, you see, Mam, it's O.K. if we don't wear longs because all the little animals and plants and birds are much better off.

Boys! Trousers! Now! If you want to use less electricity to lessen the likelihood of larger holes in the ozone layer, turn off the television and the computer.

Come on Timmy. She just doesn't get it that technology does good things for the planet but wearing jeans makes laundry. Then she has to use laundry powder that poisons good things and the oozle zone liar gets all raggedy and that kills bees and worms and birds and squirrels and bears and eleph...... 

Later that day....

So you've found some warm clothes, that's great. I'm pretty sure you'll be finding yourself back in your pyjamas without supper if Dada sees you climbing on the car, though.

Sh! I'm checking them out!

What are you checking out?

The people that live in Dada's car. If I climb up here, I can look through the sun roof. Oof! It's hard to climb on the slippery glass.

You better get down before you kick the class and break ...

Mam, sh! They are looking at me.

There can't be anybody in there. It isn't a big enough car for anybody to actually live in.

Well I SAW them. But they waved at me to go away and then put their pointing finger on their mouths to tell me not to tell. So, I won't tell you about them. I don't mind if you don't believe me. Mam...... Why doesn't Dada clean this green stuff off the rubber round this mirror?

Oh, that grows there because it is so damp in this area and he'd have to clean it every day in the winter if he wanted to keep it off there. It's been foggy every night for weeks and it regrows over two or three nights.

So why doesn't he do cleaning each day, then?

Well, perhaps he doesn't want to keep using detergent.

Why not?

Because it is bad for the environment if you use too much and it might kill the bees and worms and bears and squirrels and eleph....

Oh, Mam!

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Changing Clothes to Humour Mam.

Bertie! It is freezing cold and it keeps raining. You really can't go on wearing that set of clothes.

But I LIKE them.

I know and you will be able to wear them again, but right now you must go back inside and find something else to put on.

But I LOVE them.


But they are specially mine. I was the first boy to get them because Auntie Ruth sent them before they were in her clothing shop for other kids to buy.

I know that Bertie, but you still have to change. Go and find a different outfit please.


Now, Bertie!

O! K! But you're not my favourite Mam anymore!

I can live with that. Now, hurry up. Go on Mister Bertie, quick march. If you find something else to wear, you can go and play on the old tractor.

(5 minutes later.)

                                  Oh Bertie!

                     What am I going to do with you?